"still finding in the lost"

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"still finding in the lost"



I remember the sudden elation I felt after finishing my last piece, I was in a state where I couldn't wait for more. The piece began when I listed about 10-15 ideas down with rough layouts, and then picked one I especially liked. I feel as though the story behind the piece is built in the process of creating it. I was lost, in creativity sure but also in my mind. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't know how to do it, more specifically I didn't if I could. I wanted to hide in the cracks like before, but with school reopening, I felt like the scenes of bullying would repeat themselves. There is still confusion in my head, 
when I try to picture what the piece is, it's not really anything at all, it's just an image to which I add one element or another whenever I feel like putting something down, It's almost like saying, every time I feel like something is making me disturbed,  I add on an element and adjust its size to how big the problem is and how it affects me 



It's difficult to understand at first, for me too, but after spending this much time with the painting I have been able to comprehend the thought behind it, behind me. It's about moving, shifting, and changing but not knowing how to, It's when you have a state of mind that is perplexed. Things seem black and white and it's as if they are doing nothing but pile up on one another leaving one in utter confusion and unease. 
I also made the decision to add large and bright strokes of color in red to the piece, just here and there accompanied by drips. I always find red to be this incredible shade of extreme emotions, anger passion desire, and yet at the same time love and pain. The extreme confusion of feelings and thoughts prevails my thinking like a storm prevailing winds that abrupt the working of everything else and make one feel scared.




Somehow the conscious decision of adding those bold marks makes me feel rather proud, I remember it was around midnight, and I was playing Taylors Swift's Ten Minute version of All too Well in the background while the brush in my hand flowed as the lyrics in the most emotionally strong song did too. I have currently left the piece as it is, is it incomplete? I frankly don't know, perhaps it is meant to be this way, for as did the Mona Lisa when Leonardo de Vinci left it undone, and now it serves as the most protected piece in the Louvre and the most well known in the world.

While I don't say that this will go on to become the Mona Lisa, I don't say I have completely found the so-called right route either, things shall take shape as they do and until then I will continue to add more to this blog page too.



Thank you for reading

Nandini jain

@nandinijni












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