Who is this Mask?

 

Over the course of 3 weeks, everything I was learning was being translated into

a large-scale self-portrait in charcoal and then in color. These almost

allowed me to understand my face, my expression, and my physical

form. When diving into this,

I knew that I had to go beyond that physical form and bring out the

thought behind the expression.

Other than the Second Face website, I also looked at masks from the

Metropolitan Museum of Art and some other apps/sites. I heavily

immersed myself in the different possibilities of mask-making. The

interconnections between culture, society, identity, character, and

design came together most interestingly and beautifully to deliver a

sense of reflection and contempt to the viewer.

The interview created a very open space for me to let go, I also went

back to old journals, sketchbooks, and notebooks to understand what

was going on. Many times you don't realize the kind of situation you put

yourself in at the moment. I got the chance to recollect and relive the

good and the bad. I noticed a constant pattern in me (and my work)

from ages 7-10, during this period in particular I was thrown into diets,

clothing restrictions, examination pressures, and evermore, the

drawings had this certain something in them, everything I made was

happy and smiling, even if the picture would normally be considered

dull and sad. .

My school notebooks saw a child with close to perfect scores, beautiful

cursive handwriting, and cleanly made diagrams, but my dairies and

drawings files saw an actual child, one that put in so much effort into

art, theatre, and music.

I think reliving these incidents gave me this beautiful interpretation of

what I wanted to make.

I asked myself questions like, “What was the best and the worst

memory as a child, why were you trying so hard, was it always for

yourself, what have you learned about yourself?”

I found it a little frustrating, especially since I have always found myself

to be happier without facing them or taking self-pity, I happen to be

quite privileged so to me always being worried about social anxiety is

unnecessary, I hence feel no need to always speak about it, but certain

points trigger one, I think it's these points that I bury down and after a

certain, they can no longer be buried, I recall many incidents when I

completely exploded in terms of raging anger and tears and an

outburst of words and emotions

Normally when this happens, its as though I cannot recognize myself at

that point in time, or who I appear and am supposed to be, its just utter

confusion and craziness, hence I thought I would title the piece,

"Who is this Mask"

A busy mind, an overly fast beating heart, waves of thoughts that take over an
island, a wheel to the cycle that does not stop moving.
This piece was a journey, one of recollection, reflection, thought and more, it was a
representation of the theatre behind the curtains of skin, the face behind the mask I
wear everyday and I had an incredible time rendering it.
For the project, I metaphorically compared myself to a machine or a bicycle and I
was focused on showcasing the approach of my brain and heart and how what I get
triggered by affects the working or rather peddling of the two. I also wanted to
somehow include these incidents, regardless they were good or bad, I wanted to
show these moments that left marks to identity. There is hence, the huge cluster of
text and sketches on the left hand side of the piece, they represent memories, words
written in diaries or read from books, sketches I had made, feelings I had expressed,
parts of a theatre ticket from a show I did and more. I was really playing around with
different concepts, things I had read in psychology to do with Sigmund Freud, with
the creation of different metaphorical comparisons and the visual imagery I had
created through drawings of different memories.

I used tools from a bicycle to deliver the comparison I was trying to make. Chain wheels,
gears, screws, and more have been used to depict a moving mind and a racing heart. The
reason for this aspect that I chose is a consistent pattern that I have noticed, one that has
been pointed out to me by friends, teachers, parents, and doctors. I rush too much, not as if I
leave things incomplete, but as if I don’t maintain peace of mind unless I am a hundred
percent sure that I did everything right and good. I am hence, always on the go, always
thinking, and always finding ways to make tasks tougher when I find them too easy. I am
not ashamed of this trait, it's who I have always been, I like having more than what I think I
can chew and so this rush while it can be extremely unhealthy at times is quite enjoyable to
me. I wanted to create a machine to show this very rigid closeted structure that I tend to
lock myself in. When the anxiety, the stress, the load becomes too heavy, or rather, when the
machine has been overworked, it breaks apart.
As I mentioned before, through the ideation process, I got to relive certain moments in time
that either ended with raging anger, slow tears, a fear-flushed face, or bright smiles and
peace of mind. The huddle of text on the one side is from different sources, I have a
definition from the dictionary, some words from diary entries, words that alone left huge
impacts on me, and even affirmations I recited. These texts slowly sink into sketches and
tiny drawings which, while some of them are remade, small scale from years back, others
are memories that I recall or sights that influenced me. I have three eyes, which other than a
connection to sights and memories (considering the drawings right next to them) was
merely an artistic aesthetic choice. I even placed crews, and parts of the bike to simply have
them resonate with the rest of the masks and create a balance One of my favorites and most interesting ideas I played around with was the use of the cycle bell, I decided to connect this to the psychological theory by Sigmund Freud on personality that I had been reading, part of which explains how our response usually depends on the habits we generate, our behaviorism, a stimulus that changed our routine. I wanted to use the bell as the stimulus that makes me somewhat of a bell-boy, always ready to please people, I also symbolize it as the alarm set out in my system, when I am close to one of those extreme emotions. I feel like the mask has this very raw look to it, part of that is the textural aspect of it. I wanted to maintain a rough-natural texture to the base of this avatar on top of which I used red-coral shades and greys. I was very specific about using some form of pink-red for I think it's the most expressive range of tones there is, from shades that symbolize extreme passion to those that show anger and even the ones that depict a light-hearted
innocence. Red also is the color of blood and life, I thought it would fit in perfectly with pink notes and grey, which is the contrasting color being utilized here to show monotony, dismal, and negativity.
Finally, I repurposed used wires as connections between the heart and the brain. Overall, every material has been reused and withered in an attempt to show the side of me who is tired of the burden to keep shut